What is your problem?

Over the next months, I want to lead readers through a number of creative exercises I’ve used in my work to help clients sort through what holds them back from living the most fulfilling, free life they can. It needs to be acknowledged, of course, that life is complex. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes badly. And we aren’t going to change that basic fact through these exercises, but we can, if we work hard, change our relationship with our pain.

The following exercises are writing exercises. In the first several, you can work alone. When we get a little further along, you’ll need a partner or small group to process with, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

Exercise #1: What is your problem? Identifying what’s bugging you.

I’d like to to close your eyes and think about a situation that makes you feel anxious, sad or angry – any difficult feeling, really. If you feel especially brave, choose a situation that comes up for you over and over, something you’ve struggled with for a long time. If you’re tender right now, choose something less close to home.

Have you got it? Now, with pen in hand, ask yourself where in your body you feel tension when you think of this situation. Is it in your neck? Your lower back? Write it down.

Now, what do you call the FEELING your experiencing in that part of your body? Write that down, too. Is it anger? Or grief? Some people say it’s more of a thought, like self-doubt. Whatever the experience is called, jot it down.

Now here’s a crazy question: What does the feeling (or thought) look like? Sound like? Feel like? Does the feeling seem big and hairy or is it more like a little person sitting on your shoulder whispering things in your ear? Basically, I want you to get a full picture of this character, the feeling that sits in your lower back or in the crown of your head. Now write down a full description! What kind of voice does this feeling have? How big is it?

OK, here’s where it gets fun (well, kind of). In your imagination, take that feeling (let’s say it’s guilt, for example) and put it on a chair across from you. I’d like you to hold an informational interview with guilt. Ask guilt (or whatever feeling you’re working with) all the “W” questions a good reporter might ask (who, what, when, where, how, why) and record the answers. Jot down the whole conversation.

Example:

You: So Mr. Guilt, thank you for joining me today. I’d like to ask you a few questions. Can you tell me when you first contacted Myself and tried to enter into a relationship with her?

Guilt: Well, I guess she was about 5. It was the first time she told a lie and got caught.

You: I see. And what did you say to her in that first contact?

Guilt: I told her she’d been bad, of course. And that she’d better watch out or no one would like her.

You get the picture. Give it a try and find out what comes up. By externalizing your feeling/problem, you may be able to get some distance and influence over it. See what happens.

Next time, we’ll take you and the problem back to the difficult situation you brought to mind at the beginning of the page here and walk you through the situation with the feeling standing beside you instead of pounding on your lower back.